This is Just Too Much
by bad-bad-oppa
Summary: "Tokiya, Tokiya please don't tell anybody. Especially not Nanami. Please, promise me that you won't Tokiya-" Otoya sat up and skidded over to the blue-haired boy at his desk and knelt in-between his legs. Resting his right elbow on Tokiya's thigh he held his hand up with his pinky out,"-even better. Pinky-promise me." This guy is never going to respect personal boundaries is he?
1. It's In Your Eyes

AN: Honestly this pairing needs more fanfics, so I'm using my somewhat (self-proclaimed) decent ability to write to change that e^e)9 Please don't give up on it until you read the second chapter, please. Like any ff, it _may_ seem OOC to some, since everyone interpreters characters differently and I am going to have them develop in the story, as well. I can't please everyone XD

The _**bold and italicized **_words are thoughts.

**~Takes Place S01EP02-EP03~**

* * *

•●○ I ○●•

The aroma of the burnt out incense lingered in their room, mixing itself with the rest of the scents. It would soon be nothing but a faint underlying scent in the atmosphere. A noticeable amount of it had already been dispersed, carried out through the open windows, past the curtains, gently swaying with late spring winds. They had been a suggestion from Masato to Tokiya and they really worked wonders in relaxing the blue-haired teen at the end of a day. That afternoon, however, they weren't cutting it. Stationed at his desk, Tokiya sat quietly, trying to tune out the music. He considered burning another stick in hopes of resetting the Zen mood that he had before the noise dragged him out of his trance. He shook his head at the idea, knowing it wouldn't solve the true problem at hand. That music. That music that Ittoki was blasting into his ears. It was loud and it was annoying. In fact, it was so ridiculously loud through his headphones that Tokiya could hear it loud and clear all the way at the opposite side of the room. The teen tapped his foot in a steady and controlled rhythm. _**Loud and annoying is all that Ittoki seems to know how to do… **_That had been his first impression when they first met and nothing Otoya did seemed to be proving him wrong. Tokiya sighed when he found himself rereading the same line, again, for the third time.

From the moment that his roommate had walked into the room Tokiya's concentration had been flung out their second story window, and broken a leg... and a couple ribs, too. Okay, it was dead. His concentration was dead. He couldn't understand why it was so hard to ignore the younger boy, not that the redhead made it necessarily an easy task either. Before blaring the music, Ittoki had had an out-loud conversation with himself about how he didn't want to and wasn't going to let some "Nanami" classmate down. Going on about how he was going to do everything to come up with his part of the assignment and blow her away. He freely followed it up with a far too enthusiastic pep talk, cheering on about how working together they were " _gonna compose the best song in the class, no scratch that, the world_!" All to which Tokiya had been standing audience to, unwantedly of course.

All in all, noise. Noise, and more noise. Although he didn't find it a need to brag, Tokiya secretly prided himself in his ability to zone out anything that stopped him from his main goal. Be it an obstacle of physical, mental, or emotional being, he has allowed nothing to deter him from what he wants before. It may seem miniscule to someone else, but by now he would have normally already found a way to zone out his roommate, yet his close to bewildered that he hasn't. Needless to say, having found that there was something, or rather someone, that could sneak through that was seriously getting under his skin.

"I knew this wouldn't work! _Gyah~!_ Maybe I'll have a sudden flash of inspiration." Otoya said to himself, throwing this headphones aside in resignation.

_**I can't. **_He had been nice enough to try and let his roommate do his thing but there was only so much he could take. Tokiya got up and strode right over to the red mess rolling on the floor and waited for the boy's little theatric to be over. He held his ground with a forced calm expression, "You're distracting me with all your noise," the blue haired male accused stotically, once he got ahold of Otoya's attention. Tokiya wasn't angry per say, just irritated. Being an only child he never before had to deal with situations like these, and for that he was grateful. Unlike the majority of kids with no siblings that voiced how much they hated not having a brother or a sister, he enjoyed being by himself and couldn't imagine why they'd want someone else to bug them all the time. Not if this is what it was like.

Otoya looked up at him a little surprised, "Oh, sorry. I don't mind if you make noise, Tokiya." He had actually forgotten that his roommate was even in the room, which was a common occurrence, considering Tokiya moved around quite as a mouse, never bothering to strike up a conversation with him unless it was unavoidably necessary. That kind of bothered Otoya, since it was something he wasn't used to. Even after leaving the orphanage, the family he had been taken in by had taken in other kids throughout the years too, so he was never really alone or rather never felt alone, until now. Dorming at the academy was a totally different environment. At times he felt it a little disheartening being apart from all his friends, well his family. Not even a month had gone by and he missed the ruckus of the younger ones playing around, his father watching the news with the volume extra high just so he could listen to it without need to tell the kids to be quite. Or his mother shouting every five minutes for them to get ready before they'd be late for school, which never happened but he figured she liked to do it just as a part of their morning routine. He recognized they were all a bit louder and not quite as strict as a traditional Japanese family would be, if the side glances and remarks from their neighbors weren't reminder enough, but that's what he loved about them. Tokiya was just so different from them. From him.

"That's not what I meant. I want you to be quiet," Tokiya said, a little ticked at his roommate's logic. _**I want peace and quiet not permission for me to be louder than you! **_He felt his eyebrow begin to twitch as it does when he gets too strung up. Great, now even that was going to bug him.

"What?! But I have to write lyrics," he answered, as though there was no way to do his work and be quiet about it. He was never going to finish his assignment if he couldn't work on it here. He had already been asked to leave the library earlier that day after some peers had deemed him too disruptive. The only places beside the recording studios that were soundproofed where the study rooms and they were all occupied. The assistant at the desk had told him to not bother since the wait-list was already filled up for the week. To his dismay, she also told him that tutors weren't even an offered option until the first assignment was completed, which was plain evil if you asked Otoya. What was he supposed to do about? Like a bolt of lightening, the idea hit him, "Oh, I know. Tokiya, how do you write lyrics?"

Further annoyed by the unexpected question, Tokiya dismissed the boy, "I am under no obligation to tell you."

"Come on, tell me. Come on! Come on! Tell me." Desperate times call for desperate measures, and he knew begging his older roommate was definitely classified as a desperate action.

Tokiya felt a part of his soul cry as the boy circled around him, bobbing and determined to make him talk. He should have just waited for Ittoki to get tired and knock out. He inwardly kicked himself for even leaving his side of the room."Fine, if I have no choice… but I am only going to say it once," he said, shooting a warning look at Otoya's eager face.

_**Yes! **_"Thanks, Tokiya!" Otoya bubbled.

"First, you must decide on a motif as a theme for your song. From there, gather a list of related words. Here you choose which of those words have the connotations that best set the mood that you are trying to establish..." he went on, outlining the way he went about writing lyrics. Detail by agonizing detail.

_**Oh, no… I do what and then what?**_ It didn't take long for the redhead to drown in the flood of information that Tokiya had released upon him. _**Uhg, this is like having a full manual read to me in a different language… or trying to assemble furniture without instructions...**_"Thanks, Tokiya. I'll try asking everyone else..." he sighed when Tokiya had finished instructing him.

"Wait, why would that be necessary? Was I not helpful?" he was at a loss for words at how easily Otoya disregard the aid he had just gone out of his way to give him.

"No. What?! I mean, yes… but not really…" he trailed off, laughing and fidgeting nervously, hesitant under pressure. He cleared his throat, trying to be a little more serious, seeing how unamused the older male was, "Yeah, it's always cool to see how other people do stuff, but your process is just so," he paused, raking through his brain for the word that would be most fitting without offending and disregarding all that Tokiya had just bothered to explain for him. "It's just so… ~_**blehg**_" he said, sticking his tongue out like it had left a bad taste in his mouth. Ah, yes. That was the word he was looking for.

"It works, and that's all that matters,"the blue-haired boy snipped. Tokiya crossed his arms and sternly continued, "not everything is fun and games, Ittoki. I take my work seriously."

"You sound kind of butthurt…"

"Excuse me?!"

"Oh, I just said that out loud didn't I? No, no! I didn't mean to offend you or how you do your stuff. I mean, you're in S Class for a reason! I can only hope to be as talented as you are one day," he said, patting Tokiya's shoulder to show no hard feelings, "but why are your lyrics so calculated? I thought these things were supposed to come from the heart and what not."

"And what does the heart know of the structure to a song; of a verse, refrain, ad lib or coda?" he spat, feeling his sarcasm rise and getting defensive, Tokiya stepped away from the boy, "I already said that its effective. How I write songs may be calculated in the making but they are effective and well structured in the end."

"_Just like you are…_" Otoya commented, sighing sadly under his breath.

"_Huh?_" _**What's that supposed to mean?! **_It technically was a compliment, as it inferred that Tokiya was "effective and well structured", yet Tokiya felt as though it meant otherwise.

"Nothing, I'll go ask the others now. Thanks, again. See ya!"

•

It was past his bedtime and here he was, no closer to finding a way to write his lyrics than he had been since it had been assigned. He had looked around and asked other classmates for pointers on song writing, but to his dismay it turned out that no one could help Otoya. Their advice was great, it just did not work for him. He had the lyrics, but they were just lost. The lyrics were there, he was just missing the key to get them. He tried to explain that to others, but it didn't help either. How had it not occurred to him that writing song lyrics was going to be so essential in his career? _**And this is only the first assignment! I am screwed!**_ Everyone else just seemed so experienced, or at the very least no clueless. Was he the only one that had not the slightest idea of what he was doing? Otoya shivered a little as a cold wind and disappointment swept through him. _**I was too caught up practicing my vocal and guitar skills that I never made time to actively write my own lyrics... **_He kicked over a fallen tree branch, defeatedly into the darkness.

The first time for anything will always be challenging. Sure, he doesn't have experience, but the potential was there. He could feel the lyrics. They were practically on the tip of his tongue, he could just feel them there, so why were they being so stubborn on coming out?! Otoya was about to kick another branch when something in the distance got his attention, freezing him in place. _**Huh, what is that? **_The sound sent a shiver down his spine. He wasn't a fan of horror movies and walking alone in a forest at night time like this was just asking for it. Registering it as a person, his curiosity acted before he did. _**Who's there?**_ He moved in, slowly. Cautious, staying hidden and out of sight behind the foliage. Inching closer he lost all fear as the melody reached him. There he saw the girl that had stolen all his attention from the moment that she had become a part of his world. The very first time he'd seen her he had found himself infatuated with her. She was gorgeous and fair, but that was not all. It was in the way her eyes spoke volumes about her, without needing to say a word. It was in the way her voice gave her sincerity away at the end of every sentence. Of course she would be the source of something so beautiful, he smiled to himself. Captivated by both the precious melody that seemed to flow from her being, and the angelic glow she had in the moonlight,. Otoya could have sworn that he was dreaming. It was all just so close to magical, even the water was glittering around her as though it couldn't help but dance to the sweet melody. By the time she ended he had forgotten where he even was, "...that's a great song."

Haruka gasped and turned around surprised to find someone else was there, "Ittoki-kun?!"

"Oh, sorry." He excused himself, suddenly realizing what he had done, blushing in embarrassment, "but I really do like that song… It really gets me here." He unconsciously reached for his heart.

"What? But I was just… making something up..."

Otoya approached her, "That's not true at all. That's some real composing."

"What? Are you sure this is good enough?"

"It is!" he enthusiastically assured her. "I came out here because I couldn't think of any lyrics… but that song will work!" _**I'm sure of it!**_

"What?" her eyes grew, elated with surprise. She felt overwhelmed with joy at Otoya's words.

"Let's see…" Otoya closed his eyes and let his mind free, "on this melody we make together… the future overlaps with today…"

"Those lyrics are wonderful!"

"Why don't we come up with the rest… together?"

Haruka beamed a smile, "Okay!"

•

So what if it took them a couple days and finished it the night before the assignment was due? Otoya didn't care. He was far from upset. He was overjoyed. They both were practically jumping with joy, yet so nervous at what they would score in comparison to their classmates. that seemed to be more knowledgeable and confident than them. He was period of their work, but was afraid to be too happy about it. It wouldn't be the first time that he'd felt as though he kicked ass on an assignment, only to later find out that he had completely bombed it, and she didn't want to jinx one. Especially since they weren't technically finished yet. They had already recorded the instrumental and all that was left was for Otoya to sing and do the vocals. _**Okay, no counting your eggs before they hatch, Otoya! I can do this!**_

His heart was beating fast as he waited for the cue to start from Ryuya-sensei outside the recording both. He had given it all his heart as he sang and worked with Haruka and he was going to give it his all, again. The boy took a deep breath as he saw them signal a "go" and the music began playing.

"~_Carried on this melody created by two,  
it seems like the future is overlapping with today.  
Firmly without changing, like this phrase,  
I don't want let this go._

_We two who've stumbled and fallen will continue on  
towards tomorrow.  
If you're not here, even the things that lie before me  
are full of noise.~"_

He was doing it. _**Yes!**_

"~..._I can't turn away, I won't turn away from your eyes! ~"_

Haruka smiled from across the booth and Ittoki felt his stomach tighten.

"_~ With a full-throttle smile, let's aim at tomorrow.  
Make a 1000% spirited peace sign!  
I'll say it this time, that two-word phrase.  
My heart just can't help but fly!  
I'm captivated by you_.~"

This song was for her, and he meant it. Every word came from his heart.

"~..._We must have met by chance. This true music is for the two of us alone!  
It's so exciting!_~"

Tokiya halted. Recognizing that voice, he looked up to the monitor.

"~... _I'll say it this time, that two-word phrase.  
My heart just can't help but fly!~"_

Hearing Ittoki sing...

"_~Hey! These feelings…are overflowing.  
I'll make tomorrow with you!_~"

•●○ I ○●•

* * *

AN: This happens at the very beginning of the first season aka Otoya and Nanami's little duet montage. I'm thinking about making this canonically chronological... and eventually derailing because it's too much of a headache to go through the episodes and write accordingly. I am just gonna make one more chapter be tied up closely to the anime, just with enough to establish their characters with my spin on them, because writing scenes that have already happened is honestly boring and I regret writing this like it, ohhhhh well.


	2. It's Just A Pinky

AN: Okay, sooo if you had read this fic when it had like 5 chapters already, then you'll notice that THEY'RE ALL GONE AND NO LONGER barely 1K words long. I've gone back and rewritten a good chunk of it. I wanted to make the chapters a bit longer so yeah… this story is going to be much plot now... with some smut. I'm picking plot and development over smut, even tho what we really all want is some good lovin' lol me included! So no worries, it will come.

~Takes Place S01EP03-S01EP05~

* * *

•●○ II ○●•

"Okay! That should do it." Otoya said gleefully once he put on the apron. Leave it to his mother to be right about needing to pack something as obscure as an apron. He was glad that he had settled one bringing this one and not the one his younger sibling always made him wear. That would have been a long story.

Tokiya put his book down, curious of to what his roommate was up to this time, "What are you doing?" squinting his eyes at the sight of Ittoki wearing an apron. Was there a new class that he didn't know of? Last time he checked, it wasn't required that the idols have culinary skills of any sort.

"Natsuki said he's good at baking cakes, so I thought I would give one to Nanami."

"Nanami? Are you talking about Nanami Haruka?"

"Huh?! Tokiya, you know Nanami?"

"..." Interesting.

"Everyone's got the wrong idea about Nanami, and she's feeling really down about it. So, I wanna do something to cheer her up."

"Why do you go so far to help her?" For the past week the boy had just about bent over backwards working with Haruka. Normally he didn't care for other's business, but it was hard not to be a bit intrigued by all the sporadic drama Otoya kept brewing up. After all, he was the person that he spent the most amount of time with, whether by choice or not. He reasoned that he had a free pass to conversate.

Otoya grew hot under the collar from slight embarrassment, "What?! Uh… hmm.. well, because she's really positive, and honest, and hardworking. Oh, but she doesn't seem to realize that herself. It makes me want to help her even more." He was nice to all his friends in general so he didn't know why it bothered him to have Tokiya ask him about Nanami. Being nice to others was nothing to be embarrassed about, yet he could feel that he was going to start fidgeting if the subject went on. His brain just inexplicably goes a bit dumb thinking about her, that's all… "Oh, by the way, guess what! I passed with a great score on my assignment! Uh… the one with Nanami! How did you do at your recording? Great, I'm sure!"

Tokiya bit his tongue, recalling yesterday's confrontation with his professor. "I'm in not obligated to tell you." He had sung perfectly, yet Ryuya-sensei insisted that Tokiya had earned the failed grade. Everything he had told Tokiya that day rubbed him the wrong way.

Otoya frowned at his roommate's tone, "Fine, be all grumpy then."

Tokiya didn't say anything else after that. His mind had gone into overdrive, still trying to wrap his head around Ryuya-sensei's words. He'd even been threatened to be kicked out of S-Class if he didn't fix his lack of "heart". Failure was not an option, and saying that Hayato was better off was like rubbing salt in the wound. It hurt. They stood there in silence until curiosity struck, "Ittoki, does that mean Haruka did well, too?"

"Yup! We both did good."

"Its "did well", not "did good". Anyways, then why is she upset? Is she not happy that the two of you did well?"

"Hmph. We did! I was with her throughout the whole composition and I swear she's great at playing the piano! But some of the other kids started raising rumours about her again, saying that someone else must have composed it for her because she didn't know how to read sheet music and because she froze up in class today when the teacher called her up to play again. I even talked to Ringo-sensei to see if he could make them stop."

"Doesn't sound like an affair that the school would bother getting into."

"Well, they should! She's very distraught by it... But, yeah. Ringo-sensei said that he couldn't do anything about it. That in order to make it in this industry, if you can't come back from anything that that's as far as you'll make it..."

Tokiya's face turned a little grim at the words, thinking about his own situation, "He's completely right, though. Idols don't get babied over obstacles or simple rumours in real life. No one is there to watch your back for you..."

"Hmph!" Otoya crossed his arms and pointed out his chin, "thats not true! She's my friend and I'll always be by her side. I'd be there for all my friends. I'd have your back, Tokiya."

Tokiya huffed, "Friendship can't save a career."

"Either way, I am going to help her! And I'm sure the cake will make her feel better. Treats would always make me feel happier when I was feeling down." There was a knocking at the door, "Oh, he's here."

"Thanks for waiting." Natsuki greeted the redhead when he opened the door.

"Let gooo!"

Tokiya turned to see what the commotion was, raising an eyebrow when he saw Natsuki forcefully cradling his smaller friend.

"Huh? Syo, you're going to help too?"

"We were hanging out, so I brought him with me." The taller boy looked delighted, in opposition to the struggle that he was going through to keep Syo from running away.

"Why did I have to come with you?! Let go of me! I am going home! Let me go, please!"

"Syo?" Otoya asked, perplexed why he was so opposed to joining them to make a simple cake.

"Give me a break! Come on!" Syo continued, flailing himself around helplessly.

•

So, it was Nanami Haruka that had Otoya bouncing off the walls. The same Haruka that he kept bumping into and hearing so much about. Given, depending on the source of said information, the gossip ranged from good to bad all over the campus. More of the latter than the former in her case, but he wasn't convinced that she could be all that bad if Otoya had become so fond of her. Some may say it would be going too far as to say that Ittoki was in love with her, but Tokiya was well aware that his roommate was interested in the girl. Although, he remained unaware if Otoya even recognized the attraction or not. Regardless, it was not surprising to see Ittoki falling for someone just as innocent and optimistic as himself. Tokiya couldn't deny that even he found that absurd abundance of naivety about Nanami provocative, in an almost ironical way, of course, because he couldn't picture himself with a daydreamer like Haruka. He had his feet too firm on the ground to even play around with the thought. Goose-bumps covered his skin the more he saw the resemblance in the air-headed ways of his roommate and Haruka. A part of him wanted to get to know her better, just to see what was quickly making her "the much sought after composer." Otoya had told him of how she had gone out of her way to help Ren before he was expelled. She had even joined forces with their other classmate to help Syo get over some fear or something. Nanami seemed all-around genuine.

As it was, he had a feeling that a couple of his peers shared Otoya's interest. One thing differed. They were subtle about it, while Otoya was an open book. No matter how much his younger roommate thought he was playing it off, Otoya was way too oblivious to be anything but obvious about his crush. So, when the redhead accidentally let the cat out of the bag about his feelings for Nanami during a short conversation he was having with Tokiya (and may it be said that the topic of said conversation was far from providing a reason for the slip up, but leave it to little Ittoki to find a way to step on his own foot) it was already old news for him.

Even then, Otoya was freaking out. The poor thing was freaking out as he horribly attempted, and failed, to convince Tokiya that the older male had not just heard about his crush on Nanami. "Tokiya, Tokiya~! Please don't tell anybody. Especially not Nanami. Please~! Promise me that you won't, Tokiya."

Tokiya continued to ignore him, just like he had been for the past hour since he had entered the room. "Whatever you say," he mumbled, turning the page extra loud, hoping that Otoya would get the hint that he was trying to focus on his homework and that he was not at all interested in what he had just heard, because in reality he really wasn't. He rolled his eyes and groaned inwardly as he heard a whine and movement on the other side of their room, which was where the redhead was currently rolling on the floor in what Tokiya assumed was a fit of embarrassment. Having been an only child and a bit of an introvert, when he found out that he'd be sharing a room with someone at the school, he was far from prepared to dorm with someone so energetic, to put it nicely. They were already a couple weeks into the semester and Otoya still ceased to continuously surprise him and get on Tokiya's nerves, and to be honest Tokiya thinks he isn't going to make it out of the first semester. At this rate it will take a miracle to stop him from going insane. Maybe he could ask for a room change...

Otoya came to a halt and quickly sat up on the floor. "No, no-" he complained, as he left his half of the room and skidded over to the blue-haired boy at his desk, spinning his chair around to make Tokiya face him and knelt in-between his legs. Resting his right elbow on Tokiya's thigh, he held his hand up with his pinky out, "-even better. Pinky-promise me. You have to."

Tokiya gawked at the teen's inconsiderateness for his personal space, feeling awkward with the guy so close to him and in-between his legs. Does this guy even know what it means to respect personal boundaries?! It is like he is not even aware of how rude he can be! He's as clueless as a damn dog, I swear. He's so much... like a puppy? Huh. I guess I can think of him as the puppy I never had. Although, I think a dog would be more obedient than this. He pictured Otoya with dog ears, a tail and matching paw mittens and zoned out at his own childish slip of the mind.

"Tokiya~" Otoya whined, bobbing up and down in place as he was losing his patience, bringing the other back down to earth.

"Huh? Right. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone," he said, brushing off the redhead as he began to turn his chair and attention back to the work awaiting on his desk.

Otoya stopped him with a speculative look, "I know... but still, gimme your word. It's not that I don't trust you..." he broke off, looking down at the ground between the two. After a short while, he realized that he actually had no reason to trust Tokiya. At all. Just a couple days ago the older boy had barely loosened up and began to call Otoya by his first name. Honestly, he barely even knew the guy. With what little knowledge he had of him they could almost consider each other strangers. It was a risky secret to have let slip out. After all, relationships between the students was completely off limits. Tokiya was just rigid enough to probably follow the rules down to a T. What if Tokiya snitched on him and word got out that he had a crush and that was enough for the academy to put him on probation or something? The thought scared him. He looked up at Tokiya, the fear visible in his eye. "Promise me," he insisted, wiggling his pinky at the older male. Tokiya locked eyes with him, his expression ambiguously between bafflement and perhaps shy. No, he wouldn't betray him. There was nothing threatening in that look. He could rely on his blue-haired roommate to keep a secret. Yeah, Tokiya seems like the silent loyal type, but then again… just to be safe… Ittoki reached over and took hold of Ichinose's hand, "I just... want you to promise me that you won't," he rushed, his expression now pleading.

Tokiya almost laughed at the foolishness of it all, but having seen how sensitive Otoya could be about things and that apparently this was alarmingly important to him, he held back the chuckle forming within him. He's a serious guy, but not completely cold-hearted enough to intentionally hurt the kid. Taking a deep breath, he went along with the young one's pleads. He tried to reassure him by sticking out his pinky in agreement to the childish contract, "I won't tell anyone," he said, as he intertwined his tiniest digit with the other's. He wasn't sure if he should tell the redhead that it wouldn't make a difference if he told anyone or not, since Ittoki made his little love interest oh so obvious all on his own. He decided that the guitarist had experienced enough for a day; it would be mean to make him any more restless than he already was.

In an instant Otoya let out the breath he hadn't even noticed that he had been holding in, "Thank you~!" Otoya practically sang, joy flashing on every inch of his face. Otoya continued to thank him as he went in and hugged Tokiya's waist, trapping the blue-haired boy's arms under the hug as well.

"Okay, okay," he grunted, as he tried to wriggle out of the younger one's embrace.

"Toki-chans so nice~" Well, when he wants to be, added the red-haired boy in his head.

"Don't call me that!" he protested, smacking Otoya on the back of the head when he finally freed a hand. Where does he go off thinking it's acceptable to call me that?! "Everyone else at least has the common sense to respectfully address me by my family name. You know, as is customary"

"Ah, ow-wee~ Toki-chans so mean~" he said as let go of Tokiya to tend to the attacked area on his head. "Yeah, but I can call you that because we're friends, right?" he pouted, still rubbing.

Tokiya exhaled and counted to three. No, make that ten. Yes, the dog would definitely have more sense than Ittoki.

"Oh! That reminds me, you should give me your number."

"Huh?"

"Your cellphone number. You should really give it to me. Here, or I could give you mine and you can just message me so I can save it."

"W-why would you want it?" Tokiya surprised at himself for stuttering.

"Oh, it was just a suggestion from Ringo-sensei to have a way to contact others. I know he meant for like, students in the same class. If we had a question on an assignment we could just ask someone else instead of spamming him with emails since he's a busy idol and whatnot, but then it occurred to me that it would be a good idea if we had each other's contacts. You know, just for like.. umm... if there was an emergency."

"I see. You're right." Tokiya reached out his hand, "give me your phone." Otoya reached into his pocket and handed it to Tokiya.

"Oh, it has a password."

"Oh, I forgot about that. Gimme, It's my birthdate."

The older male didn't bother to give him the phone, instead he went ahead and typed in the passowrd, going directly to save his number under contacts.

"How did you know it?!"

Tokiya gave him back his phone while he nonchalantly mention that he had seen it on his I.D. before. Otoya was kind of impressed that he had remember it from seeing it once at a glance. Just another impressive quality of Tokiya's he guessed. Intelligence, talent, drop-dead gorgeous good looks, the work ethic of an ant, and photographic memory on top of who know what else? There wasn't much left from making Otoya think that Tokiya wasn't even human, but rather some type of superior life-form that had been sent to try and blend into society just to send back data to the mothership or something.

Basically leading a double life as Hayato and a student at Saotome Academy meant that Tokiya was a busy guy, however he never received anything but phone calls from his manager and perhaps a monthly call from his parents. So, when his cell gave off nothing but a short notification tone he already knew what he was in for. In short order, he turned down the music he had been practicing to in the room and got his cell from across the table. He sighed, not ready to believe that an emergency had sprung up in such a short time since giving his roommate his number. Not even twenty-four hours had gone by before he had received a message. The funny part is that he couldn't even say that it was unbelievable.

O: Heyyy so whats up :3

T: Otoya, I thought you said that you wanted my number in case of an emergency…

O: But this is an emergency, im bored to death at the moment

Tokiya couldn't help but chuckle at that. In his defense, he knew Otoya thought that his boredom was an urgent necessity that needed to be attended before it consumed him completely.

T: I could just not respond to you since you did say it was only for emergencies.

O: Nuuuu~ Don't do this to me ;~;

T: Wait, I thought you were going to work with others on chore?

O: We are, but its just the usual. Masato has been cracking down on Natsuki total lack of rhythm for the past half hour and Nanami had to go so now im bored.. save me Toki D:

O: Oh the torture, saaaave meeee

T: Hmm, let me think about that. I'll get back to you when I decided what to do.

After that, the redhead began bugging him more than usual. Okay, it was not bugging bugging per say, anyone else would have considered it simply interacting... bonding. But it was all the same to Ichinose when all that he wanted to do required peace and quiet and not a talkative, impulsive, cheery boy that was always trying to start up a conversation every five minutes (again he's exaggerating, but we'll just let him think whatever he wants for now).

•●○ II ○●•

* * *

AN: My goal is to finish the story in the next two weeks. I don't know if I will be able to do it but by the looks of it it there will need to be at least some 12 3k word Chapters for it to have some decent development and ending. I actually got this one out on time, wow maybe I can do this e.e! BUt then again, it's gonna be two and Im sleep deprived... maybe this just looks decent because Im delirious, oh well hehe


	3. It's A Heartbreak

AN: I'm also soooo sorry for making you guys wait like half a year for this crappy update, but school became a serious thing. I don't even have summer vacation cuz I take summer/fall/winter and spring courses and I cri lol. Enjoy (^o^)~*

**~Very SUPER Loosely Takes Place Around S01EP05-S01EP06 But Not Really~**

* * *

•●○ III ○●•

The boy laid curled up in his bed trying to get his breathing under control, which only results in an irregular hiccup like panting. "I-I don't get it," he chokes out, unable to stop the following tears that were quickly pooling up and clouding his vision. "_Why does she have to like you!_" Otoya cries into his pillow, clawing at his sheets in frustration. _**Why...? Why, Why, WHY, WHY, WHY?!**_

Quesiness overtook him. He could feel how his insides were in tight knots, how his heart was simultaneously tunneling up his throat and sinking to the depths of his stomach. Nothing but a sole string remained, barely holding his heart together from bursting and falling apart. Despair solidified itself in his throat, making it hard to swallow down his cries. He couldn't take it. Not having a way to vent out all the emotions that were currently tearing him apart didn't help one bit. He couldn't scream; throw a fit; punch the wall; nothing, since he couldn't make a scene. All that would gain him was attention, and if there was one thing he wanted right now it was to be left alone, to drown in his miseries; not to have people crowding him, instigating; not to have people asking him what was wrong, what they could do to help. As it was, he was afraid that his sobs might be loud enough to be heard in the adjacent rooms.

And he was right. Tokiya stood outside their door, listening to the muffled but distinct sounds of crying. "_Otoya...?_" the blue-haired male whispered to himself, unsure of what to do. Never, not once that he was aware of, has the younger one been so upset - especially not like this. He wasn't sure how long his roommate might have been in there, in the state that he was currently in, but he has heard enough to have a faint idea of what was going on. It doesn't take him much longer as he continues to listen, to realize that, to his luck, he had actually been witness of what had brought this on. Ichinose feels his own heart sink, heavy with sorrow for Otoya and a certain composer, as he recalls it all happening a little over a week ago.

•

Tokiya had been in the middle of returning a couple of books back to their respective shelves when he recognized the pair of whispering voices in the row over. He imagined that his roommate and Nanami were likely working on some assignment and shrugged it off. Eavesdropping was disrespectful and he knew he would not like anyone eavesdropping on him, so he went right on and continued with his task as he should. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, simple as that. Also, what could be interesting about listening into some homework? He cursed when he saw that the numbering on the last book belonged literally right next to where his two peers stood. It shouldn't matter, howbeit Tokiya favored to avoid as much social interactions as possible, awkwardly greeting them just to put a book back was on that list. He opted to go ahead and just sneak the book back as quietly as possible and hope he wasn't noticed. That was easier said than done on the grounds that he had almost dropped the book as soon as he heard a flustered:

"_Well, what I mean to say is th-that I like you... but more than just __**like **__you."_

Tokiya's face was replaced at once with a blank stare and a dropped jaw. _**God, I can't believe he is doing this in the library. **_The amusing thing was not _what_ he had just heard, since he had known this since the beginning of time, but rather _where_ he had just heard it and that Ittoki had _actually_ gathered the courage to say it to Haruka. He had to restrain himself from taking a deep sigh from the utter disbelief that the redhead thought this would be an adequate place to confess such a touchy thing. _**Really, I just can't with him sometimes, **_he thought as he shook his head.

Now he really didn't want to be spotted. He could just leave the book anywhere at this point. He wasn't risking it. In the midst of retracting to the table he had been studying at to get his belongings and zoom right out before he was late to class, a heaviness of the heart took hold, as he caught a glimpse of the red-haired boy's face through slit of a couple missing books. He shouldn't have looked back. He shouldn't have gone back to listen in, and yet he did. It's not that he wanted to, it's just that he couldn't get his body to execute the orders he was giving it. He couldn't just walk away...

He remembered seeing the very moment Otoya's heart shook in anguish as Haruka told him that she was so sorry; that she cherished him, a lot she assured him, but that she was incapable of accepting and returning the feelings he had for her because her heart already belonged to someone else.

"I owe him more than just that. You see, I owe him my life, he's the reason I'm here today," she told him in her ever sweet voice. "I know it may seem like a wild and impossible love but somehow I feel that it's almost fate that I am so close to meeting him."

Otoya was slow upon replying, "Ah, Hayato," in a tone that said that he understood her choice, masking the fact that his heart laid in pieces on the floor. If it wasn't for the fact that they were so close to his twin brother, Tokiya, then he would have told her how impossible it would be for her to even meet him, but there was a possibility of it happening and it crushed him.

"Sorry," she reached out and lightly placed her hand on his shoulder to help comfort him, "I really am. You're so kindhearted. A great person. If I could tell you that I loved you I would, but I am not going to lie to you. You don't deserve that."

Otoya just stood there biting the inside of his lip. Half of him was listening to what she was saying while the other half of him was busy trying to keep himself composed, functioning and aware of where he was at the moment.

Tokiya's mouth went dry. What sick trick were the heavens playing on him that he had to hear any of that? Was this some kind of sadistic show they put on for their own entertainment? Toying around with them; pulling strings; pushing buttons… breaking some poor kid's heart, at his expense? Tossing the book on some other self and without haste, he was gone. Whatever happened after that, he didn't know and he sure as hell wasn't going to stick around to find out. Indirectly he was the reason the closest person in the whole academy to him had faced rejection. He might as well not even have bothered going to class after that, but he did.

"Nice of you to join us, Mr. Ichinose."

Tokiya bowed in apology, feeling everyone's eyes on him. "Forgive me for being late and interrupting the class, Ryuya-sensei."

"Take a seat."

Everything he heard after that went in one ear and out the other. He couldn't focus, not with all that was going through his head. The ring of the bell startled him. Class had already ended before he even realized it. He ignored the looks some peers gave him as they exited the room after the professor announced for him to say behind for a couple words.

"I would think that after the little talk we had that you would take this more seriously."

"Sorry. I am not making an excuse, but something unexpected caused my delay."

"Being a couple minutes late, although bothersome, is not what peeves me. Ichinose, was today's lecture not of interest to you?"

Tokiya expression tensed, unable to answer.

"Hm. Okay. Well, I have nothing more to say to you right now. Just remember that I don't speak just to hear myself talk. You can go now."

Without a doubt, that day had gone down as one of Tokiya's worst days of his life, as he assumed was the same for Otoya. He hissed as he applied more pressure with the ice pack on his ankle. Leaving school, he had headed down to his penthouse to go over some news with his manager. After his meeting with Himura, he left no time to waste practicing a dance routine for Hayato but twisted his ankle over a faulty step. He didn't bother to inform Himura since he doubted that they'd call off any Hayato appearances on such a short notice. Anyways, it was nothing serious. It wasn't the first time it had happened to him, so he recognized it as a light sprain. He got up, limping his way to the restroom to find some ointment and hopefully bandages. The painkillers seemed to be kicking in already. Honestly, he was more angered than in pain. It hadn't even been a new routine. He had executed it many times before, but his mind was inattentive. Even now, he was in aloof cogitation. Deeming it useless to stay in the penthouse any longer, he had called up a cab and got ready to go back to the dorm. As it was, he could easily stay and rest here, but he prefered to try and spend as much free time as he could at the dorm, to raise the least suspicion possible.

That day had been eternal for both Ittoki and Ichinose. They were close to suffocating with how thick the silence in the room was. Otoya was more than just disappointed after having confessed his love, only to find out that it was unrequited. Tokiya wanted to help, but how if he was not even supposed to know about what had just happened? He was fighting an internal war of his own. The guilt was crushing him. On one hand he felt bad that his closest acquaintance was hurting because of him, and on the other he felt bad that he would also cause Nanami pain if she were ever to approach him about her feelings, because he would need to tell her more or less what she had told Ittoki. _**Damn this! **_He massaged the bridge of his nose and then his temples, in hopes that the applied pressure would relieve his head of the growing pain. He had enough things to worry about as it was. He did not need this right now. All the stress and work that presently weighed on his shoulders was more than enough for a teenager to face, he really did not need this...

As for Otoya, just like anyone that had just been drained of all possible happiness, he couldn't wait to go to sleep and wake up to find out that today had just been a horrible nightmare and nothing else.

Days passed, and to Tokiya's dismay, Otoya never brought up what had happened. Tokiya would have thought that the rejection hadn't actually hurt him, if it weren't for the noticeably extinguished glow that the redhead used to always carried around him. It just wasn't there, no matter how hard he looked and... he missed it? Boy oh boy, if it wasn't true that you don't know what you have until it's gone. Ittoki would still smile, but it was not the same, it seemed too forced. Even Syo and Natsuki had approached them, asking if anything had happened, but were told that everything was fine by the very person that they had been worried about.

"_Thanks, though! _You guys really are great friends. I know I can count on you guys if I ever need anything," he answered with a big smile, a transparent smile that is, but their friends didn't push the subject any further.

•

It had been a heartbreak. Tokiya is yet to go through the experience of one himself, but nonetheless he understands that it would hurt; mentally; emotionally; physically. It's nothing but pain. You're having someone you love reject you, after all. He looks at his phone to check the time: **2:17 a.m. **_**Why is he even awake...? **_It was late and he is extremely exhausted from the Hayato fan signing that afternoon. If he doesn't get any rest soon he will just ended up knocking out right then and there in the hallway. Classy. Gauging what he should do, another minute passes by. Well, aside from sleeping in the hallway or going in there, he comes to a possible third choice. Ichinose _could_ go and check if Masato was still awake, which was likely considering that they both shared the habit of studying late into the night. There was a chance that Hijirikawa wouldn't mind if he asked to sleep over for the night. _**No. **_He shook his head; he didn't want to be bothersome. This was not a big deal, but he didn't want to go in while Otoya was like this. Tokiya's social skills were bad enough when Otoya was normal, throwing in an unwanted variable like this complicated things too much. Going in like this would just be _**...I know it should not matter so much, but its... weird. **_Crying makes him uncomfortable. He has absolutely no idea what to do when someone was like this.

"_T-tokiya, w-why? I don't understand..." _he faintly hears Otoya's choked up words.

Hearing his name from inside the room has his blood running cold in an instant. Tripping one over the other, a million thoughts went on a rampage in his head. _**Why would he say my name? I have have nothing to do with this... WAIT! Does he know I am Hayato? How? When? Otoya couldn't possibly know, he's the last one who could have possibly put two and two together-**_

A thud against the door in front of him suddenly snaps him out of thought. _**Dammit. What is he doing? What if he hurts himself? People don't necessarily think rationally when they're like this**_**.** With his conscience starting to burn, all prior thoughts of leaving the redhead alone exited the building. He hurriedly reaches for the door handle and flings the door open, only to have his face sting with a collision. Caught completely off guard, with a forcefully thrown pillow to be exact, he loses his balance and stumbles back, landing harshly on his behind.

Otoya sat in his bed staring wide-eyed at the other boy currently occupying the floor. Once the initial shock begins to fade, a silent breath leaves him as he realizes what he has just done, "_Tokiya! _I am sorry, sorry, _sorry~_" Moving in couple swift movements to check the possible damage he may have inflicted onto his roommate, hoping that it wasn't too bad and that the older boy wouldn't be in a bad mood, Otoya was about to offer his hand when he remembers that his face is more than likely still wet and that his eyes were puffy and red from the hours of crying. He hurriedly brings his hands to his face, hiding his eyes and wiping at his tear-stained face with his sleeves, not wanting to have to explain anything to Tokiya or have him worry. He knew that we was a bit, just a bit, bothersome to the older boy, but he couldn't help it. Not long ago, he had actually tried to be more like Ichinose because he was tired of the cold shoulder he was always receiving from him and thought that if he acted more mature that they would surely become the best of friends. Of course, he never found out if the plan would have worked since he got bored of impersonating the older boy within the hour he had started. He couldn't help it, that's just who he was. He knew Tokiya may never admit it, but recently Otoya had caught him genuinely smiling and enjoying his time around him once or twice, so the redhead did not feel as bad when the blue-haired boy would put up that wall and ever so stoic face that he gave everyone.

"Ittoki, if you do not want me in the room all you have to do is ask. Having a pillow thrown at my face is hardly necessary," he said, far more monotone than he meant to. Again, his tone is hard to control under awkward situations, but what was the point in apologizing and making it more awkward? He keeps his gaze focused on the floor under Otoya's feet in front of him, giving him time to pull himself together a bit.

The younger boy tenses at hearing Ichinose address him by his last name. They had agreed that they were on a first name basis now. Since then, Tokiya only calls him Ittoki when he is annoyed with him (more than usual that is) or when Tokiya is about to have a "serious talk" with him. Like the one they had when Tokiya found out that the red-haired idol was stashing sweets and treats under his bed when they woke to a room infested with an impending army of ants. Or when he walked in on Otoya in the middle of using his toiletries; which explained the familiar scents coming from the younger boy. Days had gone by and Tokiya could not put his finger on what it was that he was catching whiffs of. And then there was that time that... well, the list goes on. You get the point. _**Oh no, I mad him mad... **_Otoya makes up the best lie he could muster on the spot, "I-I'm sorry. I was... playing around in the room and I didn't hear... or see that you were coming in." Hopefully it was convincing enough, because even he was aware that he was a horrible liar. "I didn't do it on purpose, I swear Tokiya..." now hiding his face behind the pillow that had recently collided with Tokiya's face.

Tokiya decides not to push him any further or call him out on his lie. He exhales, "Fine." He shifts to get up when Otoya extends his hand to help him up. "Thank you," he smiles softly as he took his hand to pull himself up, out of the hallway, and closes the door behind him. "You should be asleep. Why are you up so late?" he asked over his shoulders, more rhetorically to avoid awkward silence than to actually have Otoya answer, as he undresses and changes into his pajamas. He would normally just take his jeans off and got straight to bed, since he would arrive so late at night and didn't want to wake Otoya up simply because he would have to turn the lights on to change. "We have rehearsal early in the morning. In a couple hours really."

"I couldn't sleep," Otoya responds, sitting cross-legged on top of his bed with the pillow still in a tight embrace. His eyes follow Tokiya around, which is now heading into the bathroom.

"That's not too good. If I recall correctly, you're even more restless when you do not get enough sleep."

"_Tokiya's so mean~_," Otoya pouted, "_better than being grouchy all day, every day, like you_," he added on, barely audible so that Tokiya wouldn't hear him.

"Yes. I know," he popped his head out of the doorframe and stuck his tongue out at the redhead. There it goes. He just becomes awkward with Otoya. Uncontrollably, he just isn't himself. _**What if I'm losing my my mind? Maybe I'm developing an identity crisis...**_ He likes being cool and collective, yet with Otoya he surprises even himself. Maybe Otoya's foolishness is rubbing off on him. He doesn't like the sound of that...

Otoya sticks his tongue out at him playfully, amused and surprised at the older boy's action. "Eh... Tokiya?"

"_Hmn?_" Tokiya calls out from the bathroom.

"I've kinda been thinking... I am just a tad bit curious, that's all. Why do you have to come back so late from work?" He waits for an answer but there isn't one. They never did talk about that, but then again Ichinose rarely talks about anything. He didn't even know what it was that Tokiya did at his part-time job. Sure, he didn't seem to have a set schedule, but how can it be so part-time if there were nights that Tokiya didn't even come sleep at the dorm? All the calls he would excuse himself for? Otoya had noticed it was a male's voice, but Tokiya never treated it like it was a family call. Otoya didn't know if he has a right to intrude into Tokiya's life like this, but he was worried. Primarily because of the theories that he's played out, and he prays to god that he's wrong about the one he is most convinced is true. He had already seen one too many of the people he cared for go down the wrong path. _**It-**_ he didn't want to say it… "Tokiya, what is it that you do at your job anyways?"

Again nothing but silence followed.

"Like, why do you even work? I doubt that it's because you need the money." Tokiya's wardrobe and accessories were definitely a wad of cash more expensive than everything Otoya had, so what did he need money for? Or is it that his job just payed crazy well? And it isn't because Otoya is so caught up with his blue-haired roommate, but what kind of occupancy sends for their workers in flashy cars? His curiosity grew the longer the silence went on. _**There's no way he didn't hear me. The door is open and Tokiya has crazy good hearing… **_Otoya got up to check why he wasn't receiving any responses from the other boy. He stood at the doorway, leaning his body on the frame, to find the reason that the idol was not responding; he was in the middle of brushing his teeth.

Tokiya didn't bother to look over at the redhead, pretending to be too occupied as to acknowledge the younger one's presence and much less his inquires, until Ittoki began to speak again, "I mean, and even if for some reason you needed money, it's not like some part-time job pays well." _**Right?**_ He's just a teenager. Nothing legal can possibly could pay so well at that age. Otoya shuffles a bit in place, not sure if he should continue or not. So of course he continued. "It just doesn't seem like it's worth it. You're never around. I hardly see you anymore other than at our practices. You- you hardly get anytime to rest. I mean, some days you look like you just crawled out of your grave and can't wait to get back in it."

Tokiya shot him a look, taking offense to the last part.

"I-I-I mean, not that you don't look good. Hehe… The makeup covers up the panda eyes really well. Hehe… A-anyways, before I forget want I want to say, why? And for what? A couple bucks? So much work for such little pay-off?"

Tokiya ceased brushing his teeth. He was blown aback as Otoya continued to speak. The younger boy was not exactly on point with what was going on in reality, but his words still paralleled the situation well enough to startle something within him. What he is doing... _**is it really worth it?**_ Juggling his work as Hayato with the other company; his schooling; basically needing to lead a double life? What he is doing... _**is it really worth it?**_

He resumes to brush his teeth with excess fervor. It burns. He has been "brushing" them for a couple of minutes now and actually wished to stop. His gums were past irritated and he guessed that they were bleeding, if the faint salty iron taste he was tasting was any sort of a hint. The extremely minty toothpaste wasn't helping with the burning, but if he stopped he would need to answer Ittoki and as much as he did not want to answer him... he also discovered that deep inside he really wanted the farce to just end and be able to tell and talk about the whole mess he had brought upon himself with someone. And that he wouldn't mind at all if it was Otoya. Actually he wouldn't tell anyone but Otoya. Not even Masato, and that's who he normally relied on for advice.

Ittoki continued, hoping that he was getting through to Tokiya, "I don't have much money myself-"

_**No?! Is he really going to say that? **_He couldn't get over how speechless he was. Tokiya would have never guessed that the seemingly oblivious spunky redhead that he had as a roommate had _actually_ thought about this before, especially so much...

"- but if I can help and if you ever need me to lend you some… Anything at all-"

The blue-haired boy threw his toothbrush into the sink and brought his hands down, slamming his palms forcefully. "Stop!" he shouts, regretting it as soon as it leaves his lips. He should not have reacted that way. There were too many, the emotions running through him all at once. He just couldn't get ahold of himself with so much rushing through his brain.

Guilt. Nothing but guilt is what Otoya has him feeling lately. Here is his friend, the only person that Tokiya has called a friend in a long time, being nothing but kind and giving while all Tokiya is causing him is pain and worry by the tons apparently. It isn't fair. And it definitely was not a reason to lash out at the boy, far from that. "I'm sorry," he whispers, keeping his face down, unable to look at the younger male. Leaving everything out of place, not even bothering to put his toothbrush where it belonged, Tokiya turns the lights off and exits the bathroom, walking past Otoya and straight to his bed.

The red-haired boy stood there, shocked, trying to figure out what had done wrong. What was it that he had said wrong? Did he overstep a boundary that he shouldn't have?

"Otoya. Please, turn the lights off and go to sleep..." Tokiya calls out from his bed.

He does just that, not wanting to upset his roommate any further. He settles in his bed, looking up at the glowing stars that he had stuck onto the ceiling. At first he had put them only over his half of the room, but one night Tokiya had told him that he wouldn't mind having the glow-in-the-dark stars on all of the ceiling. The very next night the whole ceiling was glowing like children's book milky-way. The memory brings a faint smile to Otoya's face and he hesitates a goodnight, "...Goodnight, Tokiya." It isn't instant, but Tokiya wishes him a goodnight back. Hearing him say it eases the unsettling feelings that were left in Otoya's stomach from the conversation. Counterintuitive as it seems, that night's three hours sleep was the most restful night's sleep he had had all week. The only thing that bothered him that morning, besides needing to get up, was having heard Tokiya whisper "_please forgive me, all I do is hurt you..._" He swears that he heard it, but then again, it could have just been part of his dream...

•●○ III ○●•

* * *

AN: Thats right. The end hints that Tokiya was in Otoya's dream :') Leave comments or questions ~

I really enjoyed writing this one more than the first two because it was more of my original material rather trying to tie it up with the anime. Soo yeah, i'm going to deviate from the anime plot, if you haven't already noticed. TBH I only even picked this fic back up when I came looking for new fic to read and saw that my fic was the last one updated for this ship and it broke my shipper heart. Had to fix that, so yeah.. Even tho as I write this I realize that I suck and I just want to get this done and over with, I can't abandon it because I had promised that I would finish it and I will!

Oh and next chapter finally has some ren masa :D and maybe a smexy scene ~(e u e)~ no promises tho ;0


	4. It's Just A Touch

AN: OMG, it wasn't until I was done with the chapter that i realized that One More Night by Maroon 5 fits the way that I'm writing RenxMasa's relationship perfectly... I've had a headache for the past two days so it took more time to post. Sorry... I think I am going to slow down the posting because I'm killing myself to post a chapter a day and there's only like ten of you reading them and i don't even know if you're liking them or not. Maybe my writing is suffering in quality because I'm rushing them and have no one to check them. Idk.. :( Thoughts? Enjoy (^o^)* ~

**~Alludes To S01EP06-S01EP07 I Think... ~**

* * *

•●○ IV ○●•

Weekends at Saotome Academy were like having a mini concert in every other room, all day long. It was annoying if what you wanted to do was sleep in straight through to Monday, like Otoya was wishing he could, but great if you didn't want others to hear what you were doing.

Ren loses his breath for a second as his grip tightens on Masato's torso to grind down on deliberately. Desire runs through his veins and fogs up his rational, drowning out that little voice in his head. Mercy, how long he's been waiting for this. Hearing and feeling the stifled moans rumbling in Masato's throat vibrate on his lips only fuels his hopes that he isn't just dreaming like all those nights before. "Come on, sing for me like you did the first time." Ren wants to hear him, edging on pleasure to the point that all he can do is mumble uncontrollably at the loss of words. Like all the dreams that had plagued his nights.

"Mention that again and I'll leave." He highly doubts that he'll be able to bring himself to actually exit the room with his body feeling like this, but he warns him anyways.

"Fine. Take your shirt off," he purrs, his teeth lightly scrape along Masato's neck. He could have taken the shirt off himself but why not play out his fantasies? They had only touching for a couple of minutes yet they were already hard and needy. Masato wouldn't go this far again, would he?

"No." Masato grunts, his hand tight, lost in Ren's locks. Rolling his hips at the sweet grating friction, he pulls his hair a bit forcefully to bring the other male's lips to his own, "I want you to do it," not kissing him but merely teasing him as his lips brushed upon his.

Ren hisses, more turned on by the rough pull than registering it as pain while the rancorous command and lewd gaze make his dick twitch. He goes in for a kiss but is met with another tug. This wasn't love, it was lust. This wasn't love, at least not on Masato's part. _**Son of a bitch… **_He should have known it was too good to be true.

"Undress me." the bluenett orders, this time deeper, almost growling.

He would have never guessed that he'd be so affected by hearing this side of Masato. Heck, he would have never guessed that Masato even had it in him. In reality, the situation was too messed up to call it a dream come true, but he was only human… and humans make mistakes. Having all your blood leave your brain and flow down south only aids to bad decision making. It wasn't past the point of no return, yet even with the disappointment that was quietly bubbling in Ren's chest, he went on. Losing interest in continuing the foreplay, Ren sits back on his knees and begins to unbuckle Masato's belt. He doesn't undress him. Instead he brings down the pants and briefs barely low enough to get his hands on Masato's erection. If Masato is going to treat this like it was nothing but scratching an itch then so was he… as much as it killed him inside.

"Uhhn...ohhh.." Masato's back arches off the sheets, shivering at the contact of Ren's warm tongue. He sucks at the head, feeling his own arousal get harder at the thought of how lewd it all was. Ren looked up at the other male, entranced by the the flushed face. He silently wished that Masato would open his eyes, to find a glint of endearment in them, but he knew he was wishing for a miracle. Pushing aside the thought, closes his eyes and focuses on the feeling of Masaton in his mouth. He licks it languidly, pumping at the base with his fingers.

"Ren… f-faster, dammit!" he begs, digging his grip onto the boy's shoulders to urge him on.

The sudden knock at the door nearly scares the life out of them both. "Hijirikawa?"

"Fuck!" Masato curses into his hand.

"It's Ichinose…" Ren whisper under his breath, looking at Masato for a cue of what to do.

"J-just finish me off." he whispers.

And what would happen if they continue? "Do you think he heard you, Masa?" The scare brings some blood back to his brain and those words bring him back down to earth.

"Shhh…"

There was another knock at the door, louder this time. "Hijirikawa?"

Pushing himself off the bed, Ren starts to quickly straighten his clothes and fix his hair.

"Don't. He doesn't know we're here."

Ren looks back as his roommate one more time before shouting out, "Wait a minute!" This wasn't love, it was lust. This isn't was he wanted.

Masato briskly pulls up his pants, "I'll admit it. You're doing us both a favor," he spits, slamming the bathroom door.

His mouth twitches at the sad truth as he opens the door, not completely, as to hid his still prominent erection, but wide enough to let Tokiya if he wanted to. "Hey, Icchi. If you wouldn't mind, waiting Masato just stepped into the shower, maybe you could come back in a bit?"

"Oh, of course. Just tell him that I'll stop by later then. Thank you."

"No problem."

•

Tokiya quickly closes the door belonging to a pair of arguing blondes behind him with an exasperated sigh as he starts his path down back to Hijirikawa. After leaving Ren and Masato's dorm, he had headed on over to see if he could find the others to help him out, only to find that Natsuki and Syo where having problems of their own, rendering them just as uncooperative as the first two had been. He mentally crossed them off the list for now. His pool of companions was a relatively small one to begin with, he was running out of people to ask for friendly advice. Who could he ask now? Haruka. There was always Haruka, she would for sure know how to cheer someone up. She never does fail to bring a smile to one's face, but Tokiya wasn't particularly feeling up to asking her how to help him cheer up the very person she had actually put down. He lets out a short small laugh. The irony of it all would bug him too much. He might as well cross her off the list while he was at it, too.

He knocks on the door for the second time that morning, hoping that he hasn't returned too fast. If it weren't a Saturday then he'd hear nothing but the echoes of his footsteps reverberating off the walls, but as it was the hall was flooded with melodies left and right. Indolently, he notices how both dorms next to them were exceptionally rowdy. "Hello."

"Ichinose, come in." Masato greets him.

"Thank you."

"Good morning, again Icchi."

"Morning, Ren. So, lucky you two. What are the chances of getting drummers as neighbors on both sides. At least Otoya's guitar can be relaxing." Actually, he found it almost romantic at times.

"It would appear, then, that the lucky one is you." Masato directs him to take a seat, "Anyway, what did you need me for earlier?"

"Hijirikawa, how would you go about trying to distract someone..."

"..." Masato gives him a blank look, not exactly sure of what it is that Tokiya is asking him.

"To get their mind off of something... that is... troubling them?" he elaborates.

"I believe you mean to ask me how to cheer someone up?"

"Yes," Tokiya nods his head.

"I-"

"I don't think our _dear little Masaya_ here would know how to answer your question, Icchi," Ren cuts in, amused at the glare throws in his direction. That was by now Masato's default face whenever he was around."The guy functions like a human body would, but he falls far too close to a robot. He has no time to address emotions. Aren't I right, Masa?"

"Jinguji, if he wanted your input he would have asked you and yet he didn't. So, please, quit being rude and don't interrupt," he says as politely as he could, practically hissing through his teeth.

Pretending that he doesn't hear a thing that his roommate says, Ren stands there unfazed, aiming at his dart board. A pompous smirk spreads across his face as he throws a dart. _**Bulls-eye. When isn't it?**_ Placing his darts down, he looks over at Masato and takes the liberty of striding over and sits right in between him and their current guest on the couch.

"Jinguji!"

Okay, he knows it's a tight fit but the orange-haired male ignores his exclamation, like always, and maneuvers his arm over Tokiya's shoulder. "Now, Icchi. I am almost hurt that you wouldn't come to me about such a thing. It is about a lovely lady, is it not?" he teases, twirling his finger around with the ends of Tokiya's hair. "At the very least you should respect my age. I am older, therefore wiser. Oh so wise when it comes to that, actually." He winks at the blue-haired boy under his arm.

"Please," Masato rolls his eyes, "age is nothing but a number in your case. No one in their right mind would think you wise."

"But you can not deny my expertise," he says, slyly settling his hand on Masato's knee. Masato smoothly brushes it off.

Tokiya thinks nothing of the action, accustomed to the male's flirtatious nature but still finding it bothersome at times. "No. Of course it's not a girl. There's no use in reminding you that it's against school policy for students to get involved in any relations besides platonic. I, however, unlike you, plan to follow the school's policies."

Ren chuckles, "Good luck with that. Love is unpredictable Icchi, remember that. Whatever, I'm smart enough to approach the ladies with nothing but good intentions. Although, the danger of breaking a rule and the risk of getting caught would make it all the more exciting…"

A dark laugh escapes Masato and he excuses himself. "Don't bother with him. _He _will never learn," Masato glares at Ren, who meet his gaze with equal fire, neither one backing down.

It was useless to try and communicate with either of them when they were at each other's throats like this. The tension was irritating Tokiya and he wasn't going to get any answers here. "Uh, you know what, I think I'll talk to you guys later. I just remembered that I have something pending," Ichinose says as he gets up and heads for the door. _**What could they possibly have been fighting about before, this time...?**_

Masato nods his head, "Okay. We'll speak later." The fact that Tokiya was running away from them totally flies over his head.

"Bye Icchi," Ren waves him off, still not breaking eye contact with Masato.

With Tokiya no longer in the room they move to sit on opposite ends of the couch. Masato glares intently at the laid back orange-haired male. He's trembling with rage. Today was just one of those days. _**I swear, it is his sole purpose to drive me up the walls!**_ What the hell was Ren thinking blatantly saying those things? He could see it in his eyes. Ren is daring him, itching to piss him off. He isn't going to let him. At this rate, if he lets Ren keep irritating him to no extent so easily he might just look for the closest cliff and jump right off of it.

"What's with the look?"

The bluenette exhales and rolls his eyes, only to continue glaring at him in silence again.

"What? What did I do? You know, if you keep rolling your eyes so much they're gonna eventually roll back into your head and get stuck there."

"Don't be so childish. It doesn't suit you, and you know what you did," he grumbles.

_**Yeah, I know.**_

"In what world do you think it is proper to act the way you just did? I know for a fact that you were raised to have manners."

"You're exaggerating. Plus, I do it all the time, no one thinks anything of it."

"That is besides the matter. I told you already to stop doing that."

"It's just a touch."

"The touch isn't what I'm pissed off over… and you can't just be touching me like that with people around! I don't like it, _that _is my point."

"_So I can do it when others aren't around...?_" the orange-haired male hums. He bites his lip and raises an eyebrow suggestively, just to piss him off even more. Where does Masato even go off about this when he was the one that wanted him to finish sucking him off with Tokiya right outside their door?

"Dammit, Jinguji. If that were the case then I might have actually enjoyed what you tried to do this morning," Masato scoffs and rotates his body away from his roommate's, "You're hopeless. You know what I meant."

"You were begging an awful lot for someone who wasn't enjoying themselves…"

"..."

"Come on. You know I am kidding. I can't help myself, you're just so cute when you're all flustered." (AN: I hate hate hate this line in fiction or irl… but it's true, some people are cute af when they lose it)

"_I am not. Shut up!_" he protests.

"Come on. It's been years. This fight is getting old. Why don't we just call it quits?" he asks, closing the gap that Masato had created between them. "What do you think your hostility does to our relationship?"

"There _is _no you and me. Understand that..." _**There is no hope for you and me.**_

Ren's voice becomes dead serious, "Don't kid yourself. No matter how many times you say that to yourself, not even you will ever believe your own lie."

"I..."

"I will tell you that there is a you and me and that I love you, until the day you accept it and even after that. I understand that my love does not seem logical-"

"Ren-"

"-hear me out, please," he insists, holding Masato's hand in his. "It is not. I don't know how to explain it. Maybe it was having only you as a friend by my side when we were kids, just to find out that because of our family ties we were fated to behold each other as something not far from enemies. Even when we were young, there was just something different about you. I felt... something when you were around, but I didn't know what it was; what to call it. Believe it or not, you were something so precious to me back then, and even after years went by, restricted from seeing you, to this day you continue to be special to me... Just like a child would want to keep his first childhood toy for a lifetime, I want to keep you with me; forever by my side."

Masato is playing the devil's advocate, but there was still truth to what he says. "Ha. So I am right. I'd be nothing but a toy for you." He pulls his hand out of Ren's and turns around to face the man. "After all, it's not you that has to sit back and watch me flaunt and flirt to no end. No! It's me who has to watch you acting, talking to, and touching others exactly the way you would to me, except that I'm supposed to act dumb and believe that I am the only one you're truly interested in?! That you even go so far as to call it love? How can you even continue to ask me to believe something like that?"

"No. Listen," he leans in and cups Masato's face, turning it to face him and locking his eyes with his, he continued, "all that flirting is just a show. I swear, at the end of the day its thoughts of you that keep me up at night," he whisperers onto the other boys soft lips. He wouldn't have dared to hold the other boy this close if the feelings of that early morning weren't still burning in him like embers. "I don't just want _this_," he says before softly kissing Masato, feeling the face in his hands warming up.

_**No.**_

"_This_ is not enough for me," he says, as he returns his lips to Masato's just as quickly as he had left them.

_**Not again. **_Masato could feel the excitement beginning to form throughout his body. Going against his mind's will he returns the chaste kiss. He exhales at the soft touch. How long had he denied himself from just kissing Ren, knowing he wouldn't be welcomed with open arms. Even now he can't let himself enjoy it like he knew he could.

"As much as I treasure the time we made love, the numbers of times we would sleep together would mean nothing to me, it would not be enough. It will never be enough, knowing that it troubles you. That you want it just as much as I want it, but yet you can not accept it. Our first time would have never even happened if I knew you we're going to deny what you had felt, the very next morning. I wouldn't have even gone through with it had I known how tangled and twisted we were going to end up!"

_**Damn. **_Masato keeps his eyes closed the whole time, unwilling to open them up to find the icy-blue eyes looking right into him. Every time Ren did this to him his brain would simply turn into putty. Their relationship, if it could be called that, was a mess. Screw that, he has to be assertive. "So the first time was a mistake! What about this morning! You already know my conditions. If you feel so damn bad about fucking, knowing exactly how I'd shove you away when we're done then why do you keep insisting! Dammit, Ren!" He feels sick having said such twisted words. It wasn't him, but Ren seems to believe it… kind of.

"Masa. Don't look at me like that. I know you think I'm just some cliche romantic talking out of my ass, to quote you-"

"Because you are."

"- but I mean every word. I don't understand what keeps you away from me. I _need_ you to let me love you before I lose my mind, Masato" he exhales, taking Masato into an embrace, "understand that you're striping away all my sanity."

Masato doesn't move from where he is. He neither shoves Ren away nor moves into the embrace. He just sit there, calling upon all the willpower he has to keep himself together. _**How can I not understand you? You're special for me, too. After all we have been through, how could you not be? **_"Ren... I am losing my mind too, but this is what's best for us, for everyone. We just need to give it time. Soon enough we will realize how much of a joke this was and we'll laugh it all away... there can't be a love between us..." Masato's chest tightened as he felt Ren's body tense at his words.

The orange-haired male let out a sad chuckle as he pulls away from the one in his arms, "I don't know who is more pathetic. You for not being brave enough to take what you want, or me for not having the courage to break free from a love that's going nowhere."

•

Masato couldn't even lift his head, as it hung heavy with shame in the empty dormitory. It was, after all, his fault that these complications even began. It was him who had initiated this, but was, now more than ever, unable of facing the consequences. Ren was right, he is a hot head, a hot head that over thinks everything for his own good. _**What the hell?!**_ He was a smart guy, so why were his decisions beyond idiotic? He grabs the cushion besides him and smothers it onto his face in frustration. Realizing that it smells like Ren he grunts and lets it fall onto the floor as he sinks into the couch in defeat. As he lays there, he loses himself in thought.

It was him that had first kissed Ren. It was him that sought after his lips a second time, as well. After that, things just progressed, but as their kisses became more heated so did their fights. Tension grew as the lines blurred. Masato couldn't accept that he was feeling more than simple curiosity when they would find themselves sharing a kiss, a touch. It was not acceptable and yet it happened. Over, and over again. Masato reluctantly rises off of the couch, "No, I won't waste anymore time thinking about this damn nonsense," he sighs, "... there is too much to do."

•

Were Otoya and him the only two roommates that weren't arguing 24/7? He pauses outside the room door, trying to hear if Otoya was in there or not. He feels his body relax when he heard no noises coming from inside, yet, at the same time, he finds it unsettling to find the redhead absent again. He was almost always in their room when he was not in class or off eating, since Tokiya had asked that he not eat inside their room anymore, after one too many accidents. Of course, Otoya didn't completely listen, but at least he hasn't made a complete mess since then.

The blue-haired male opens the door, cautiously closing it as he removes his shoes. He doesn't bother turning on the lights since he enjoys the soft sunset glow of filtered light that poured into the darkening room from the expansive windows. He places his book bag over on his bed and begins taking off his school jacket when he hears the sound of his cell alerting him that it was running low on battery and needs charging soon.

In all honesty he was getting desperate. The whole month after having lashed out on the boy had been crazy busy, to the point that days would go by and that he wouldn't even see Otoya, and it wasn't a coincidence. He had asked his manager to keep him as busy as humanly possible and a little more. He simply couldn't have his mind linger on Otoya without finding himself drowning in guilt. The month after that had gone by pretty much the same way, except that he was now starting to feel the physical exertion to be a little too much, even more than before, but he perfed it over giving his brain time to itself. Unfortunately for him, this month's schedule was not nearly as packed as before and had left him with a lot of free time to think... and observe. Which led him to where he is now, unable to understand why Otoya had still not gotten over Haruka. It's been three whole months, with another one right around the corner, and the boy was still hung up on her. So to be more than just honest, if that is even possible, he was desperately desperate to get Otoya to move on and he didn't even know why... or how we was going to do it. They say time heals all, so why wasn't it doing its job?!

_**What makes Otoya happy?**_ Why was it so hard to come up with something to cheer him up? All Tokiya had been able to think of was curry and rice, but he doubted that that would be adequate enough since the red haired boy had been eating that almost daily and he didn't seem to be getting anywhere near as cheerful as he should be. After removing his jacket he reaches into his pocket. He takes his cell out and heads over to his desk to plug it in. _**Of course!**_ His laptop. He is almost mad at himself for not having thought of this anytime sooner. Surely there are more than enough articles that could help him in his quest there. Plugging in his phone, he settles down and gets to work. The illuminated screen assaults his eyes at first, the brightness being too strong. Even at the lowest setting he swears that the screen light is still too bright. He types in **How to cheer someone up** and begins scrolling on through:

**Everybody gets sad from time to time. Cheering someone up is all about taking the time to listen to them** Well that isn't going to work since it was obvious that Otoya was showing no signs of opening up. Tokiya couldn't just go up to him, "_Hey Otoya. I know getting rejected can be hard, do you want to talk about that? How do I know about that you ask? Oh, I may have been innocently going about my business when I may have kind of, sort of, possibly... happened to overhear the whole fiasco, but enough about me..." _That is out of the question.

**How to make someone feel better via text message...** Nope. It wouldn't make much sense since they even shared a room... but then again, it is easier to talk to someone without really needing to talk to them. His unsocial self did enjoy the idea of texts, since it gave him time to write up a response, and for some inexplicable reason gave him a confidence to talk more than he would if he had the person face to face. Otoya did text him from time to time anyways. _**Okay, it could work.**_ That was an option.

And so the list went on. Sadly, he found very little that he could actually do. If you ask him, half of them seem more like date ideas than anything else. How is he supposed to do this?

**Listen to them** For the hundredth time, impossible. He couldn't listen to or let Otoya rant, or cry out his feelings. The more he scrolls, the more pronounced the frown on his face was becoming. They simply aren't close enough to do more than half of the suggestions he bumps into.

**Hug them** Otoya did have a tendency to hug him randomly… but not like that. _**And wouldn't it be weird if out of nowhere I just offered a comforting hug?**_

**Play games **He knows nothing about those. All he knows is that Otoya wastes hours without end playing computer games and be too loud while he was at it.

**Feed them **He can't make him dinner as it suggests, because Tokiya was no cook. But then again, at least some could call it food, unlike the atrocities Natsuki cooks up and calls food.

**Make them laugh **He can't be silly and make the boy laugh, at least not naturally. That was Otoya's specialty, not his. Moving on.

**Let them know you care **Tokiya definitely can not tell him that it hurts him to see him all depressed because he misses the bubbly self that he was. What bothers him the most is watching him fake it, like he was completely fine. He would prefer to see the redhead dwell comfortably in his misery than see him constantly trying to act normal. As twisted as it sounds, he believes that sometimes you needed to embrace your sadness in its fullest to get over it, not spend energy trying to keep up appearances.

**Tell them you love them** He didn't love him, did he? He can't think of anyone who he can compare how he feels about Otoya to. Now that he thinks about it, his parents have never told him that they love him. To be fair, there has never been a moment that he felt inclined to say it to them either. Nevertheless, as much as he surprisingly found himself caring for the boy, he in no way could or would tell him that. He know some people tell their friends and family that they love them but how was he supposed to know if he really did? With that last note he shuts his laptop.

He remains sitting there with his arms crossed, puzzled. Maybe they weren't really friends. Even though he enjoys the other's company, more than he'd like to admit, and that it was deeply bothering him to see the boy so down, maybe all he is feeling is guilt. Maybe he isn't genuinely caring for Otoya's well being. It's the only thing that seems to make sense to him. Why else would he be so distraught about the boy, if apparently they weren't even close enough for him to know how to cheer him up without needing to google it? That bothers him. He never did have a friend before; he simply never had the time or found it too difficult, and mostly unnecessary, to make a connection with someone. It bothers him to realize that.

Now, it doesn't bother him that he hasn't had friends, he was quite happy alone as he was. What bothers him is that he actually wants to call Otoya a friend. Everyone calls each other a friend after a bit of smalltalk, but for him Otoya was past being just an acquaintance like that. Whatever the definition of a friend is, he feels as though Otoya is that very thing for him. It is a strange feeling, almost a feeling of vulnerability, but he assumes all new feelings are. He is sure that Otoya considers him a friend, but that was simply because he considers everyone to be a friend. _**Friend... love... what easy words to throw around, for some.**_

No, it can't be just guilt. Tokiya has a bit of a cold-shoulder but he wasn't actually a cold-hearted guy. He does care for the redhead, and as for falling short in the Otoya Friend Department, well, he just needs to change that. Baby steps, that's all. After all, Rome wasn't built in a day. Otoya was laying in rubble at the moment but Tokiya will build his empire back up from its remains. There's nothing he hasn't set his mind to and accomplished and this is going to be no exception.

A couple of soft guitar notes ring from his phone. Tokiya reaches over, already knowing who has sent the message.

**O: Hey Tokiya! Pleeease tell me that you're in the room or can go open the door for meeee T~T **

**T: I'm in here, but why?**

**O: ...uh, I think I lost my key, I cant find it...**

**T: Again? Okay**

**O: Thanks! Hey :P I said I **_**think **_**I lost it not that I **_**did **_**lose it, it's probably somewhere in my room :D I'll be there soon**

Tokiya looks at his screen and then over to the mess that is his roommate's half. They are going on a break to Saotome's private resort on Monday, and it doesn't look like Otoya has even begun packing. Should he start his befriending now? The sooner the better, right? _**Don't let it end at that. Think of something friendly...**_

**T: I am surprised that you can even find your way in and out of the mess your room is right now x) **

There was no instant reply that was so common of Otoya. Why? _**It was friendly, wasn't it? Wait, what if he got offended for some reason? **_No, Otoya has never been offended when he comments on his messy room. Regret was beginning to grow as the seconds passed without a new message flashing on his screen. A minute went by. Two. Five. Nothing. God, why was he even trying?!

•●○ IV ○●•

* * *

AN: God didn't die for me to sin like this T_T lol .. so.. Masato cusses when he loses his temper. And it got dark, not all relationships irl are rainbows and butterflies. I am still going to post at least two more chapters in the next 7 days.. (I have a lot of doctor's appointments this week so no chapter a day) People are already suspicious of what I'm doing typing all day long anyways… *cough* idk if you can tell but im writing this for the angst and not so much for the smut *cough*


End file.
